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I spent a good portion of this past weekend by myself. Yep.
Me. Myself. And I.
While I can’t really admit that it was entirely by choice, I tried to make the most of it and accept it for what it was. For the most part, when I stopped worrying about being alone, I had a great time.
On Saturday, I went to a show at The Fillmore in Silver Spring. I saw Mat Kearney there, who I had actually only discovered on Pandora about 5 months ago. Something about his music pulled me in and if you’re ever looking for a new artist to check out – he gets my top marks. In fact, it was easily one of the very best shows I’ve seen in the last 2 years.
He’s innovative, his music is upbeat, and he knows how to work a disco ball! I was so impressed, I went home and downloaded 3 of his albums. I love his old stuff, just as much as I dig his new album JUST KIDS. To me, his style is this fun mix of 2000’s pop rock with Michael Franti vibes with a little bit of Eminem white guy style rapping if Eminem was super relaxed and inspirational. I don’t know, listen for yourself…it honestly puts me in a better mood every time I plug in.
In fact, when I set out for my run on Sunday, I put on Mat Kearney and I crushed 8 miles!
I know that might not sound like a big deal to all my running buddies, but I haven’t run 8 miles since before my knee surgery nearly 3 years ago. I’d only run 6 and that was with significant knee pain. I’ve been working up to 6 miles the past 3 months and Sunday, I decided that if I could run 6, I could run 8! So I did. I’d really like to go back to my orthopedic surgeon and tell him to suck it, since he very clearly told me I was no spring chicken and wouldn’t likely be running distance again. Not only did I run 8 miles, but I did it in under a 10 minute mile!
After all that fun, I felt on top of the world. I felt like me. I felt healthy. I felt strong. So what did I do? I booked a fun vacation with my best friend, Sandra. We’re headed to Cancun for 4 days in June! I absolutely can’t wait to lay on a beach and sip on all the free drinks in the land 🙂
So yeah – this weekend, I did exactly what I wanted to do. Even though I still 100% struggle with being alone, I guess the best any of us can do is make the best of it all. I just wish I didn’t care and I knew how to really let go.
This probably won’t be a regular sort of post for me, but this is too good not to share. After seeing Chromeo live at 9:30 Club last Monday, I stumbled across their new video, “Old 45’s.” Awesome shot, right? Hello mirrored guitar!
I saw a comment on Instagram that basically said…this is what would happen if Peter Frampton and Prince met up in 2014. I pretty much agree. Happy Monday, peeps!
I know – you’re just broken
I know – you’re just broken, you’re just broken
I don’t know much, but I know that I’m in a much better place than I was 4 months ago and I’m miles from where I was 7 months ago. I now know that I’m really lucky, that I was let go. That I was set free.
But in case no one ever told you, dating is hard. There are stories, because why wouldn’t there be…some hilarious, some filled with rejection, some just meh. And I’m learning a lot; a lot about what I really want from a partner and what I’m not willing to sacrifice…which are all truly great things, but…
There are some days, some weeks, where my heart feels so lonely that the world feels empty. I know I haven’t given up on the idea of finding a partner that believes I’m worth it and I tell myself to be patient and to stop looking and just wait, but I get scared I’ll wait for a lifetime. And then I just feel broken.
As a little nod to my weekend plans, I’m just going to leave this here. Released in 1995; to be relived on Sunday.
I think it’s trickled into my posts lately that I’ve been feeling restless and a bit frustrated. Definitely not angry, just annoyed that I’ve been back from Asia a month and sometimes it feels as though I never left. Time has a way of slowing down when you seek normality and sometimes it feels as though my mind is just as cluttered as before. I hate that feeling.
I’ve tried to take several approaches to calm my restless spirit:
- Acceptance: lives don’t always change overnight
- Adventure: cross off items on my DC bucket list
- Socializing: meet people, old and new – say YES to everything
- Risk: try new things, like dating, even if I wasn’t 100% sure I should (see above, saying YES to everything)
…and while all of these fall in line with my 2014 goals, I still don’t feel like ME. It’s probably harder to grasp on to these ideas when they haven’t all been fruitful (like the dating); the sad part being that I wasn’t putting myself first for the past few weeks. Not truly anyways.
I allowed myself to drift and didn’t focus on what is probably the largest and most important goal of 2014 – define and improve my career. How can I expect the rest to fall into place when I’m not even sure if I should be staying in DC? So there you have it, a kick in the arse, to stop drifting and to define my professional life.
But it’s scary. That blank slate feeling returns and it’s just as nerve-wracking before I left for Asia. So I need to be brave.
I MUST be brave about a lot of things, especially in 2014, particularly finding my way out of my own cage and not allowing myself to be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love.
2014 is about me – I just have to let it be.
I’m in a restless mood today. In fact, I’ve been restless for nearly a week now so I can’t commit to just one song today. I started with the Cranberries, then went to Eiffel 65, and somehow circled back to Aqua – but none were speaking to me. So here’s a little compilation of misheard lyrics from some great 90’s songs.
Roll on the weekend!
Taking a break from the travel selfies, let’s give a nod to one of my fave 90’s artists that have *surprisingly* come up a lot in conversation this week. So here you go, here’s a little bit of TLC and ‘What About Your Friends’ (released in 1992).