Last you read about life (and love), I was pretty down in the dumps. Not by choice, but more by circumstance. Circumstances haven’t really changed, but then I remembered my Great Aunt Alberta and what she told me when she was about 80.
Be with the ones you love & that love you. And if they don’t love you, then FUCK ‘EM!
I’ll never forget the moment she told me that. I think my eyes popped out of my head, but I also remember that whatever I did, I needed to write that down so I wouldn’t forget it. I knew it would come in handy, like it did recently. So while I still find myself frustrated with dating and lonely at times (on a grander scheme), I also know that I have to be patient and I need to put myself first 100% of the time.
So what changed? I let go, as much as I could. I may not be able to ever let go of insecurities until I’m in a relationship where there is no reason to feel insecure, but I let go of people not loving me and people not wanting to make time for me. Right before my mom came, I felt calm. I haven’t felt that calm in a very long time (or at least since I’ve been single).
With my 31st birthday in 2 days, I’m really focused on doing more for me instead of trying to fix me for someone else. Do the things that I love more. Pay less attention to the things I loathe. It’s a struggle for sure, but at least I feel like I’m on a better path.
I’m more focused on things like planning a vacation with my mom (just us!) or traveling again with friends and by myself. Pinching pennies but still planning great adventures (you can do both, right?). There are definitely times I feel inadequate, but it’s my life. I’m going to live it how I want. Spending my time with the ones I love and those that love me back.
Fuck the rest. (Thanks Great Aunt Alberta)