More.

Last week, I had minor outpatient surgery that sparked a few major concerns in my head. I began to question everything from my overall health (I’m healthy…yay!) to my life itself (am I important?) to even bits and pieces of religion (don’t worry this post isn’t going there).

I stressed myself out about all of it to the point that I was in tears if someone even mentioned dying, funerals, pastors, etc. I even started thinking about religion again – looking at options as I knew my personal, fundamental beliefs still didn’t line up with organized thinking.

On Saturday, after my surgery, I was much calmer. Things had gone smoothly and I even asked the doc about my blood as I was convinced my white blood cell count was abnormal. I’m here to report, it’s normal. However, that evening, I went to dinner at my uncle’s house. We were catching up and I was telling him about my recent trip to Cancun and I talked about why Chichen Itza was considered a wonder of the world and about the Mayans. After I finished rambling, he had a coy smile on his face and his girlfriend turned to him and said, well…there’s the big lead in you’ve been waiting for.

He then proceeded to talk about the Mayan prophecy and told me about this show he had been watching on the History Channel called Ancient Aliens (currently available on Netflix instant, if interested!). The premise being that it’s simply impossible for some ancient civilizations to have been purely built by man’s own hand. That they had help from up above. The Mayans in particular have then marked their calendar to not necessarily be the ‘end of the world’ but perhaps just the end as we understand it (though the end could be exactly what we all think).

So, of course I freaked out a little bit and I’ve been obsessed for the past few days, trying to grasp ‘the end’ – whatever it is. I know it sounds dumb and maybe it is, but the only way I can keep my sanity and my fears at bay are to feel mentally prepared and not go around worrying 24/7.

And what exactly am I worried about? In a word – fulfillment. I said to my uncle, “It’s not fair. Everyone else got their 80 years. I only get 27.5? Wtf!” It was the exact fear I had pre-surgery.

So while I agonized over my fear, I came to the conclusion that in order to feel fulfilled I had to let go. I had to live each day, not like it was my last, but like it was a building block to an even better tomorrow. I had to plan my future as I’ve always done and work towards completing my personal goals. I also should not wait to do everything until 2013 or 2014. Maybe live from dollar to dollar one month instead of relying on precise planning and make sure I get to do something that I might have held myself back from otherwise.

Read more.
Blog more.
Run more.
Learn more.
Do more.

And just like that, I felt a little more fulfilled. Not totally full, but on my way. I still quietly worry about December 21, but there’s a lot more I can do between now and then. And if by luck, chance, or hope the Mayans have to make a new calendar, I won’t regret 2012. If anything, I’ll have set the bar higher for 2013.

And here’s a little REM for your Monday:

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6 Comments»

  doranyc wrote @

I think the Mayans DID have another calendar that continued on. Considering how much the Spanish destroyed… who knows? It was a miracle that even that piece was found.

I can’t stand that Ancient Aliens show, for the record. LOL

I hope you are feeling better after your procedure!

  zigzagmags wrote @

As much thought as I’ve given this – I didn’t even think that there could have been another calendar. Makes me feel a little better 🙂 lol

I haven’t watched the show yet, but it is in my queue and I’ll let you know what I think! Though I’m still trying to decide if I’d be better off NOT watching. ha!

Thanks for the well wishes, I am def feeling better.

  doranyc wrote @

Well, what you will probably see in that show is that those who believe in the influence of otherworldly beings do not believe in the capacity of humans to pull off monumental feats of labor and travel. I just can’t abide that. Yes, let me know what you think.

  crankypants wrote @

I worry less about the end of the world than I do just dying before my house is unfucked. If it’s the end of the world, then everyone (or most everyone, civilization as we know it) goes all at once, or pretty quickly, and I am not going to miss out on anything except post-apocalyptic rioting and such. But if life continues on as normal and I have a heart attack in my sleep then I hate to think of my family having to deal with all my crap, and poor little Elvis, and it’s just embarrassing to have such crap all over my house,even though I will be dead and won’t care. That’s how I have to think about it. Like you said, let go. I used to think, oh so many things I won’t have done…well you only care about that shit when you’re alive. Not when you’re dead.
I’m glad you are healthy!!! I am too, believe it or not. 😉

  zigzagmags wrote @

this is why I post – you and Dora give me a bit of peace about it all 🙂 i know you mean about not having your stuff unfucked, i was thinking the other day what if so-and-so found XYZ. i then thought i should have special instructions for friends to unfuck the fuckery before family gets a hold of anything 🙂

i’m glad to hear you’re healthy too! yay! and glad to see you’re still ufyh!

ps. lol at “not going to miss out on anything except post-apocalyptic rioting”

  Peek inside… « zigzagmags wrote @

[…] part of my ‘Do More’ Campaign, I’ve decided to enter Jessica Quirk’s What I Wore Winter Remix Challenge. Normally, I […]


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